How Stan and Heff Stole Christmas
by ToonFanJoey
Summary: In a parody story of the Grinch, Stan Woozle and Heff Heffalump set out to steal the honey, food, Christmas decorations and presents from every Hundred Acre Wood animal, disguised as Santa Claus and an assistant elf. Contains an OC from a friend. A little Christmas in July fic. Please no rude comments!
1. Stan and Heff

Note: Hello, all, it's July, the hottest month of the year and a time where some fans do Christmas projects when they don't feel like waiting until December to get them done. This is a project I've still been wanting to do this for so long. This is a short parody fic of the every Seuss fan's beloved holiday classic, The Grinch, taking place in the _Winnie the Pooh_ franchise. I've been inspired by the Nicktoons commercial spoofing the Grinch (with Angelica from _Rugrats_ in the title role), as well as the opening of the _Doug_ Christmas special, "Doug's Secret Christmas", where it spoofed the Grinch (having Roger Klotz in the role), to do this. I was thinking, "what if Disney decided to have Pooh characters spoof the Grinch story?" So, I thought I could do one myself.

Stan and Heff will be sharing the role of the Grinch, and most of the good animal characters from the Pooh franchise will be in the role of the whos, with Kessie in the role of Cindy Lou-Who, and Francisco the Cat, an OC belonging to a friend of mine who is not on this website, is in the role of Max.

So, I own nothing. The story belongs to Dr. Seuss and the Pooh characters belong to Disney and A.A. Milne, with one belonging to my friend, who will remain nameless.

Now, to save time and pressure on the brain, I will be excluding a spoof of the famous "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" song. My apologies to all fans of the song, I myself am one as well, but I thought it'd save time if I just spoofed the story. Hope you all understand. Maybe I could remake the story when there's more time, and add a song in there.

Well, we might as well sit down and read, shall we?

* * *

"ToonFanJoe Productions Presents"

"In Unofficial Association with Disney"

"How Stan and Heff Stole Christmas"

Our story begins in the Hundred Acre Wood. It was Christmas time, and every animal inhabitant of the Hundred Acre Wood was getting ready for the big day. You see, it was Christmas Eve, and they were all getting some last-minute details finished before the big day: Christmas Day. In one particular house...tree, whichever you prefer, a bear named Winnie the Pooh was having a tree-trimming party, with guests to arrive soon.

During this time, Pooh, who was yellowish and had a red t-shirt and a green scarf, was assisted by a young bluebird named Kessie, a white puppy named Buster, and a tiger named Tigger, who wore a teal scarf.

A song started, with Kessie taking two candy cane decorations out of the decoration box and placing them on the mantle, as she began to sing.

Kessie: Christmas comes tomorrow  
And we can hardly wait

Tigger then shook a present he had with joy.

Tigger: For Santy bringing presents

Pooh came, carrying a tray full of gingerbread men, fresh from the oven.

Pooh: Christmas dinner on my plate  
Yum!

Kessie hanged a golden round ornament on the curtain rod, before swinging the ornament a bit.

Kessie: The jingle bells

As Pooh sang the next line, he placed the tray down on a counter.

Pooh: And Christmas smells

Tigger grabbed one of the gingerbread men, taking a bite as he sang next.

Tigger: And cookies tasting great

Tigger then hung up a wreath on the door, as all three sang next.

Trio: Christmas comes tomorrow  
And we can hardly wait

At the house of a small pig named Piglet, he was getting ready for Christmas as well, as he swept around the house with his broom.

Piglet: I'm cleaning every corner  
And dusting every chair

Then, a yellow-green rabbit named Rabbit came holding out two plates of vegetables, setting them down.

Rabbit: I've got artichokes for Santa  
And, oh yes, carrots for his deer

A bit later, the two came out of Piglet's house, each carrying a small load of presents, as they headed to Pooh's house.

Rabbit: With decorations,  
Celebrations

Piglet: All for Sainty Nick

Both: Christmas comes tomorrow

Piglet: Oh, I

Both: Hope it gets here quick

With a gloomy grayish-blue donkey named Eeyore, he was trying to decorate his house of sticks, with a star made of sticks.

Eeyore: Don't need to be a bother  
I won't ask Santa twice  
But if he happens to be coming  
A present would be nice

Of course, a wind came and blew Eeyore's house and star down, much to his disappointment, but his house always gets knocked down, so that's no surprise. He sighed as he saw Piglet and Rabbit walking by, before following them. At another tree, a small brown joey named Roo, who wore a blue t-shirt, played with a car ornament as he sang.

Roo: I'm wishing for a race car

How he was able to touch the car ornament hanging on the door, was thanks to his friend, a young lavender elephant-like creature (or heffalump) named Heffridge Trumpler Brompet "Lumpy" Heffalump IV, lifting him with his trunk.

Lumpy: A new kite would be neat

They then saw Roo's mother, a kangaroo named Kanga get out a tray of Christmas cookies, fresh from the oven, on a table.

Roo: I hope Santa got our letters

The two prepared to grab some cookies, but Kanga chuckled a bit.

Kanga: They're still too hot to eat

Outside, Rabbit, Piglet and Eeyore were passing by, when Kanga, Roo and Lumpy, now donned with hats and scarfs, joined them. Kanga carried a basket of treats along with her.

Kanga: With stockings hung,

Eeyore: And carols sung,

Lumpy: And tons and tons of snow

Roo: Christmas comes tomorrow

Group: And there's just one night to go

Back at Pooh's house, Tigger peeked out the window, waiting for the others to arrive.

Tigger: Rein-y-deer are flyin'  
Santa won't be here 'til dark

Kessie: But we'll be ready waiting  
She then turned to Buster, asking, "Right, Buster?"

Buster replied with a "Bark bark bark!" Of course, he means 'yes' when he says that. Then, they heard a small bell ringing, as Pooh came to his door and opened it up, to let the others, who have just arrived, in.

Pooh: It's Christmas time

Lumpy: The bestest time

Piglet: A joyous time

Tigger: (as he shakes a present) A toy-ous time

He placed the present onto the pile of presents, as they all came to the finish of their song.

All: It's Christmas time and we can't wait

As the song ended, the narrator, who had the voice of Sir Michael Caine spoke.

"Every animal in the Hundred Acre Wood liked Christmas a lot  
But Stan Woozle and Heff Heffalump, the two nuisances of the hundred acres, did not"

Far on the other edges of the Hundred Acre Wood, somewhere in Heffalump Hollow, the places where all heffalumps roam, there was one cave where two figures lived. This place was the one place everyone did their best to steer clear of, for two reasons. One is because the two are nuisances of the Hundred Acre Wood who always come up with schemes to steal the others of their honey for themselves, though each scheme ends up ultimately failing, and the other was because they've been known to hate Christmas, the one holiday everyone else loves.

We see the two animals glaring at us readers, as they stood out of their cave. The first was a gray-furred weasel (or "woozle") with yellow eyes, light gray fur on his muzzle and chest area, black nose, and with one fang sticking out. He wore a red-brown cap, a red bowtie with white polka dots, a yellow vest, blue pants and black shoes. He was known as Stan Woozle.

The second was a big fat orange heffalump with yellow in the inside of his ears, and on his tummy. He had one bucktooth sticking out, and wore only a black vest. He was known as Heff Heffalump, Stan's right-hand heffalump.

"Yes, they've always hated it, will in the future, and do so now.  
But don't ask me for the answer, no one quite knows just how.  
Could be perhaps their clothes were on too tight"

The two gave their clothes a bit of a tug, trying to loosen them a bit, but they were still too tight, as our storyteller suggested.

(Flashback)

We go back to a day when the two fought each-other, though in a comical manner, of course.

"It could be perhaps that they always got in a fight"

(End of Flashback)

In the present time, Stan and Heff frowned at us once more, not happy.

"But I think..."

Then Stan interrupted the narrator, snapping, "Hey, ya mook! The likely reason's obvious! We've never ever managed to steal any honey just for us!" He continued to rant on, saying (in rhyme), "And I would not dare betray the woozle code and share with those goodie-goodies...and not even that bear! Oooohhh, on him I'd love to get my hands, for constantly butting in and foiling all our honey-nabbing plans!"

Yes, no matter how many plans Stan and Heff have come up with to steal all the honey, Pooh and his friends have always managed to foil them, and it made the hatred of the two towards the good guys, mostly Stan's hatred, grow more. Also, they would never share, because it's in the nature of Woozles and Heffalumps (except for Lumpy's family and friends) to steal honey and Stan refuses to break his belief.

Stan continued, "And the fact that it is Christmas just emphasizes the fact that we will not, around this time of the year, get that golden gooey snack!"

Then Heff said, "Duh, but Stan, I think there's one little detail that you missed: we can't even have honey this time of year, because we're on Santa's naughty list!"

Stan replied in annoyance, "You think I don't know that, bubble-brain?! That is the #1 reason why I say "humbug" to this appalling season! It's in our nature to steal honey, but does HE understand?"

Heff scratched his head, saying, trying to think of a good answer, "Duh..."

But Stan answered for him, saying, "No he does not! No comprendo, my dim-witted friend!"

Then the woozle pulled out a picture of all the good animals from the Hundred Acre Wood together, but with facial hair and devil horns drawn on them by the foes, showing their hate for them. The narrator spoke, "So as the two glared at a picture of the animals they despised and scorned, Stan declared."

Stan said, "Ah yes, I can just imagine all that will occur with them the very next morn."

(Daydream)

We see a daydream, predicting what will happen in the next morning, as we saw all the good animals of the Hundred Acre Wood unwrapping presents and opening their stockings and cheering for all the stuff they got, showing everyone.

As all this happened, Stan's voice explained, "Once again, they'll wake up and find many presents and treats that Fat Boy has left them, while we get just coal, misery, and back-aches from slipping on sleet."

We saw the two walking out of the cave angrily and miserably, each holding lumps of coal, before slipping on the icy ground, covered in sleet that had fallen, before they fell on their backs very heard. The two groaned in pain.

Back with the other animals, they were somewhere having a big Christmas party, celebrating with all their presents and treats received from Santa, while Stan's voice continued, "Then, they'll have a big Christmas get-together, in the Hundred Acre Woods, and they'll boast about the rewards for their big hearts: their received Christmas goods!"

The narrator then spoke, "They would celebrate their good deeds each year, to the villains' worry. And as annually, this activity increases the woozle's fury."

(End of Daydream)

Stan explained, "Then, there's something else that will come tomorrow. They'll sit down for a Christmas feast and join for a big Yuletide carol to tomorrow."

Heff then spoke, "Duh, you know, Stan. I bet if we were Santa Claus, we would mistreat those goodie-goodies."

The narrator said, "As Stan heard Heff, he paused." Stan did pause, wondering if his sidekick was, for once, onto something brilliant. "Could it be? In Stan's very own prime, has his lackey actually given a smart possibility this time? A Christmas miracle, it must be. Then the woozle began to smile. A smile came from he." Stan started to smile, which was very rare.

"That's it!" Stan said eagerly.

"Stan exclaimed."

"Heff, my for-once inspiration, my muse, you've just fed my head with a new honey-stealing scheme in which we cannot lose!"

Then, Stan grinned wickedly, with Heff grinning evilly as well, though not knowing why, since he's not very intelligent. The narrator said, "It was then the two got an idea, a fiendish idea. Stan, and eventually Heff, got a magnificently despicable idea."

A while later, Stan and Heff were working on something, as the narrator continued, "It took a while for Heff to memorize the plan, due to his miniscule IQ, and after discussing the plan over and over, he finally got it through. Tonight, while our Hundred Acre Wood friends are all snug in their beds, with visions of Christmas goodies dancing in their heads, the two will sneak into each and everyone's houses and steal all their honey. Steal honey from every animal, from the bear to the Tigger to the bunny."

Stan said, as it looked he was sewing some clothing with a sewing machine, "First thing is first of the plan."

The narrator said, "Said the woozle brute."

"We'll make this fast Santa Claus hat and suit."

As Stan snickered, the narrator continued, "He snickered so sinisterly, for this plan made him all a-tingle."

"With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Kris Kringle."

"I thought you were dressing up as Santa." Heff said stupidly.

Stan groaned with irritation, "Same person, cucumber-brain!" Why must his dumb partner keep forgetting that Santa has more than one name?!

"Oh yeah, I keep forgetting."

The woozle said sarcastically, "Oh, ya don't say!"

The narrator said, "But then Heff objected."

Heff said, "Duh, say, why can't I be Santa? I'd fit the role great, on account of my immense and enormous weight."

The woozle replied, "That's true."

The narrator said, "Said Stan."

"But I totally refuse to wear antlers, fake ears or curly, uncomfortable elf shoes! Plus, they're not actually expecting to see us. They're just expecting gifts and treats left in their house, without a single fuss. But don't worry, you can be Santa's assistant elf." Heff then looked unsure.

"Heff was unsure about it; he didn't like THAT role himself! Nevertheless, the job must be done to set forth that very night, and ruin the animals' festive yuletide fun."

(End of Chapter 1) 

* * *

The parody of this Seuss-y Christmas classic has begun. Will Stan and Heff succeed in ruining Pooh and friends' Christmas and taking all their honey? Let's read on!

The next chapter is when they find a cat named Francisco, force him to be their reindeer, and they set out to the Hundred Acre Wood on their little spree.

The song the Pooh characters sang is "Christmas Comes Tomorrow" from My Friends Tigger & Pooh: Super Sleuth Christmas Movie, with Kessie singing Darby's parts, since all the human characters are absent in this story.


	2. Ride to the Hundred Acre Woods

Some time later, after Stan and Heff have finished making the costumes, they had now donned them. Stan was now dressed as Santa Claus, and Heff now in green elf uniform and tights. Amazing how those tights fit a big guy like them. They looked at themselves in the mirror as the narrator spoke again, "Soon, the two were now the fake Santa Claus and his trusty big elf."

Stan smirked in the mirror, saying, "A perfect fit for both of us, if I do say so myself."

* * *

A while later, late in the day to be exact, Stan and Heff came to a hill near their hide-out, while pulling up a rickety old sleigh, loaded with many empty sacks. They grunted and groaned while pulling up the sleigh, but they managed to get it to the top. The narrator said, "Soon they got ino a rickety old sleigh they found in a junkyard, as well as a load of old empty sacks. To find, they were very hard."

Stan and Heff hopped into the sleigh, all ready to go.

"So, as Stan and Heff were ready to set out, seeing everything all plain there, Stan suddenly realized..."

Stan's eyes widened in realization as he exclaimed, "Ah crud! We forgot the reindare...reindeer!"

Heff explained, "Well, duh, the last time I checked, reindeer are scarce in the Hundred Acre Woods. So I guess we're foiled once again from taking their goods."

Stan, however, frowned in determination, as the narrator said, "But he was undaunted, that woozle in the Santa suit."

Stan exclaimed, "We'll just have to find the nearest animal we can, and make the dope our reindeer substitute!"

Then, down below, they saw a brown cat wtih black stripes and a green collar, walking along, unaware of the two above.

The narrator said, "But to their luck, they saw down below, a bizarre little cat, by the name of Francisco."

Stan and Heff looked to each-other, saying in unison, while shrugging, "He'll do."

(Note: That's one of the only non-rhyme lines in the story.)

The cat, now known as Francisco, walked along through the forest, endlessly trying to look for a place to rest this Christmas. Suddenly, he stopped when he heard a small twig snap, startling him and making him turn around quickly. Fortunately for him, no one was there. However, he was still scared that some creature leap out of nowhere in this part of the Hundred Acre Woods, so he walked cautiously, looking around at each side. But suddenly, Stan and Heff leaped down in front of the cat, making him yelp. The two smirked evilly at the cat, making him laugh nervously.

The cat wondered what the two wanted with him, but he was too scared to find out. So before the two got grab him, he was off like a shot! Nevertheless, the two went to chase after him. The two villains wanted to use him as at least one reindeer, and they wouldn't take no for an answer!

As they chased Francisco throughout the forest in Heffalump Hollow, the narrator said, "So they chased after the cat, through every cranny and nook! Every spot of the woods, he was chased by those caniving crooks! They chased him left to right, they chased him there to here, they wanted badly to use him as their reindeer! They'd have to get him quick by the end of the day, if they desire to have any creature to pull their sleigh."

A bit later, after being chased all throughout Heffalump Hollow, Francisco walked slowly and exhaustedly, panting hardly, as if he were out of breath. He was, from all that running he did, out-running Stan and Heff, managing to avoid capture. He placed himself at the trunk of a tree, thinking he was finally safe. He looked around, before breathing a sigh of relief. Then he did a double take and saw Stan and Heff behind the tree he was at.

"Shhh!" Heff demanded at the cat, before placing one of the sacks he grabbed from the sleigh over him, in which everything went black.

* * *

Much later, night had came. After taking the cat back to their lair, Stan and Heff explained their plan and forced him to work for them as their reindeer. They threatened to shave all his fur off and leave him naked alone in the cold if he didn't cooperate, so he reluctantly agreed. He was now at the top of the hill, feeling miserable and embarrassed, having to wear a big branch tied to his head, as well as a harness around him.

The narrator explained, "So after taking him back to their lair, they explained their plan to him, and that chances of his survival if he did not cooperate were very slim. If he did not agree to be their reindeer and aid in stealing everyone's food, they would shave off all his fur, and leave him out alone in the cold, in the nude."

Francisco was harnessed up to the sleigh, like a reindeer, as they planned.

The narrator said, "When Francisco was reigned up, Stan shouted..."

Stan snapped, "Alright, dumb cat! Hyah!"

He used a whip to hit the cat, making him yelp and jump up in pain. The narrator continued, "And they started on their journey to ruin Christmas from a part of the Woods a-far." He started sliding down the edge of the steep hill they were at, but then stopped in concern. He looked at the two foes, who glared at them madly.

The sled soon went down the hill fast, forcing Francisco to run out the way. As this happened, the narrator said, "They rode down the hilll near their hide-out and started to slide." The sled rode down a curve of the hill, as Francisco tried to run down the hill very fast. Then, the sled zoomed so fast, that it scooped up the cat and landed him near Stan and Heff. "Soon it quickly became a bumpy ride."

Yes, it quickly became a bumpy ride indeed, especially while whizzing through their half of the Hundred Acre Woods. They were going so fast, the three started to feel uncomfortable.

A dizzy and pale Heff, who looked green, said, "Duh, Stan, I'm going to be sick! I think I'm going to barf!"

An alarmed Stan exclaimed, "Well, wherever you do so, don't on my good winter scarf!" Stan is really hoping his partner won't puke on his good winter scarf that he's had every winter!

Heff then saw something with them as he picked it up, thinking it was something to throw up in, saying, "Oh, here's something I could use."

Stan gasped in alarm for some reason, as he quickly exclaimed, "No, wait, Fruitcake! That's not a..."

But the woozle winced and turned away when his partner was heard throwing up into whatever he had. When Heff was done, Stan finished dryly, "barf bag."

The narrator said, "He threw up in Stan's hat."

Stan groaned, "Oh, what a drag." His partner picked his favorite everyday hat to puke in. Once Heff was done, he sniffed a bit and wiped away a tear, as well as wiping his face. He then offered Stan his hat, but the disgusted woozle said, "Keep it." Now that his hat has been puked in, he may never want to wear it again. This grossed Francisco out as well, and he also felt sick from the ride and the puking, but he did his best to hold it in.

* * *

A while later, after a rigorous ride through the side with Heffalump Hollow, and going through a secret passage way to the Hundred Acre Wood, the foes and Francisco arrived in the part of the woods where all the good animals like Pooh and friends lived.

"The ride was nauseating, it caused major frustration, but it wasn't long before they finally reached their destination. Though I shan't kid you, the ride was rather edgy, for Heff had moaned."

Heff got out of the sleigh, moaning, and feeling uncomfortable as he got up and complained to his partner, "D'oh, I think that ride gave me a wedgie!"

He tried to walk off the uncomfortable cramp in his rear, though he groaned and moaned in pain as he did. The narrator said, "All of the Hundred Acre Wood filled with silence, no one knew of their presence. Everyone was sound asleep, dreaming sweetly of the next morning presents."

Yes, all houses in the Hundred Acre Woods were dark and no one was awake, they were all asleep in their beds, dreaming sweetly of the treats and presents left in their homes the next morning, unaware of Stan and Heff's plans.


	3. Stan and Heff's Holiday Heist

Stan turned to his partner and said, "Come on, Heff. Our first stop is this quaint little house."

Then Heff gasped with fear as he recognized the home, "Oh but Stan, this is the home of that giant mouse!" The "giant mouse" he was referring to was Roo, and since Heff's similar to an elephant, he was afraid of mice, but he couldn't tell the difference between a mouse and a kangaroo Joey. He quivered in fear, as Stan sighed in annoyance and rolled his eyes. So typical of his partner to be stupid and scared.

The narrator said, "It looked like Stan will have to raid Kanga and Roo's home by himself, without any aid of his sniveling, cowardly elf."

So Stan grabbed a few empty sacks, took a ladder he found nearby, and then climbed up it, all the way to the roof of the Kangaroos' home. Once he was up there, he hopped into the chimney and slid down it. Once he was inside the house, he dusted the chimney soot off of him. He crawled out of the chimney corner, holding all of the bags. He then crept quietly around the house.

The narrator said quietly, "So the fake Santa woozle sneaked quietly around, to look for the honey stash. He then crept over into the kitchen, and crept like a flash." Yes, he dashed into the kitchen, but dashed quietly so neither Kanga nor Roo could hear him. He smiled in delight and greed as he saw all the honey pots all standing up neatly, around the kitchen, some empty, some full, and some in-between.

The narrator continued, "The greedy woozle saw them, yes, he had definitely found all of the Kangaroos' honey pots, big or small, thin or round. All the honey was usually used by Kanga for her famous holiday honey desserts. The woozle chuckled greedily,"

Stan chuckled greedily, "Guess stealing ALL of these honey pots wouldn't hurt."

As the Santa-disguised woozle began grabbing every last honey pot in the room and stuffing them into his bag carefully, the narrator said "So with great speed and grace, he swiped every pot and stuffed them inside the sack. Any pots remaining, there were not."

We now see Stan slithering like an eel around the living room with a disturbing-looking smirk. "Then, he slithered like an eel, with a smirk so disturbing and shocking, around the living room, and arrived then to the stockings."

Stan stopped where Kanga and Roo's stockings hung, grabbing both stockings, removing them carefully and dumping all their contents into another one of his sacks, which consisted mostly of candy or fruits or both.

"He emptied all the contents of both stockings into the sack, all fruits and desserts, and maybe some non-edible nick-knacks. As of that, both stockings were left completely bare, and he hung them back up, as if St. Nick never visited there."

He then sneaked behind the tree, with a greedy grin, staring at the cookies hung on the tree as ornaments. "That woozle saw some of Kanga's cookies hung on the tree, and hence,  
While still there,  
He swiftly swiped every last cookie ornament!"  
With great speed, Stan grabbed every last cookie ornament off the tree and stuffed them in one of the sacks.

* * *

A while later, the sacks were thrown up the chimney and each landed on the roof.

"And after Stan cleaned the food out of their refrigerator, as well,  
He stuffed all them in bags, like the others, one by one in a manner very swell.  
The next thing that happened is the woozle, very nimbly,  
stuffing every bag, one by one, up the chimney."

The woozle came up out of the chimney, peeking over the edge, and whistling to Heff and Francisco, who prepared themselves to catch the bags, and then Heff managed to catch one of the bags, while the other sacks were thrown right onto Francisco. Any pots contained in the bags remained not cracked, most likely due to the soft snow the cat was standing on.

* * *

Soon, the thieves and Francisco made it to another house of one of the Hundred Acre animals, this one belonged to Rabbit. The Santa-dressed woozle and elf-dressed heffalump hopped out of the sleigh, and grabbed some sacks.

"Rabbit's home was the next house on the two foes' thieving route,  
They plan to steal every one of his delicacies, without a doubt"

The two found a ladder and climbed to the roof, then Heff eagerly made it to the chimney and prepared to get in, but due to his massive girth, he got stuck, with his top half sticking out. He grunted, trying to get himself unstuck, while Stan groaned in annoyance, as the woozle walked over to the chimney and got out a plunger he had with him in the sleigh, stuck it on his colleague's head and pushed down hard on him a couple times. He even jumped on the plunger with his feet a couple times, and soon, Heff was unstuck as he began sliding down the chimney, taking Stan with him, and they both landed with a big thud.

The noise was loud that Rabbit, who was in his bed, heard it and was muttering in his sleep, but went back to sleep.

Stan saw no one was coming, as he turned to his colleague and shushed him in annoyance.

"Sorry, Stan, I can't help my water weight. It always goes right to my waist." Heff apologized sheepishly.  
The woozle said, "Enough of that now, we gotta get to the kitchen, with no time to waste!"

* * *

So the two crept menacingly to Rabbit's kitchen.

"Then the two crept up to Rabbit's refrigerator,"

Stan opened the fridge and he and Heff gazed in delight at all the goodies Rabbit had packed in there, and began cleaning out all food like mad.

"And they commenced their 2ND refrigerator raid.  
They stole Rabbit's freshly-grown veggies, and even his lemonade."

As the two continued cleaning out the fridge, they threw all non-food items in the sacks. Stan even got out a turkey, raising his eyebrow symmetrically at the readers.

"They also pilfered his turkey, his figgy pudding, his berries,  
And a special ice-cream parfait sundae,  
Hold the cherry."

Heff managed to grab a big parfait ice cream sundae from the freezer, resulting in the cherry to fall off and remain there, until he sucked it up with his trunk.

"It wasn't long as they cleaned out Rabbit's entire refrigerator,  
Why those two fiends even took his dish of sweet po-taters!"

Yes, Stan and Heff even took out the last item, which was a dish of sweet potatoes, covered in marshmallows, and with that, the whole fridge was empty.

* * *

A bit later, after stealing and stuffing food from the stockings into their sacks, the two threw the sacks, along with the sacks containing the food no longer in the fridge, up the chimney, as they landed on the roof.

"Then they stuffed all the food in sacks up the chimney with glee"

"And now" Stan said, turning to his assistant.

"Grinned that woozle."

"Let's make off with all that rabbit's honey!"

The two then made it to the closet where Rabbit kept his honey pots stashed in, and managed to put them all in the sack, one by one.

After stuffing them all in, the two prepared to head to the chimney.

"They were to head to the chimney, and stuff up the bags, when  
they heard a tiny voice letting out a small..."

"Ahem," said a small female voice, to the two's alarm.

"Eeek!" The two quietly yelped, as they set down the bag gently and nervously turned to who was in the room responsible for the voice, and that was a certain bluebird. Yes, it was Kessie (who was woken up earlier by the noise probably), looking at the two curiously and saw the honey pots sticking out at the top of the bag. The two villains were caught in the act!

"They saw Rabbit's little adopted bird, Kessie  
or Kessie Lou-Hoo, as Tigger called her, staring at the two,  
And she asked, with a curious twinkle in her eyes..."

The little bluebird asked the two, "Santa, why are you and your unusually big elf taking all our honey pots? Why?" For some reason, she couldn't tell it was really those two, but that an elf like Heff would be bigger than elves usually are, but probably because she was too young.

The woozle and heffalump looked worried as they bit their nails (well, if Heff had any), knowing they were in a tight spot.

"Well, those two had to think of a lie to get them out,  
And had no time to stall."

Then a light-bulb appeared over each of their heads, making them smile as they both got an idea.

"Then they both thought up a lie,  
And in hardly any time at all."

Heff then blurted out, "Duh, _**Brave** _is the best Pixar movie yet!" This left the bluebird confused at what the dummy said.

The annoyed Stan elbowed the heffalump, while scowling, "No, no, no, you nitwit! I'll handle this!" Yes, the woozle has a much more convincing lie than that statement Heff just said. The woozle straightened himself and cleared his throat, before smiling and trying to act jolly like Santa himself as he said in the best Santa impersonation he could do, "Haw haw haw! Why, it's quite simple, my sweet little birdie,"

The narrator said, "The Santa impostor woozle lied."

"One of the pots has honey leaking through some cracks at one side.  
So, my elf and I are taking them back to the workshop for inspection and fixing too,  
We'll fix the cracks in the pots up there, and bring them all back, good as new."

Kessie smiled, to the two's relief, as the woozle patted her head. Looks like she actually believes the two are Santa and his elf trying to help fix some cracks in the pots.

"And the white lie fooled the child, and the woozle patted her head,"

Heff was able to get some birdseed and a drink, before the two waved her hand, gesturing her to go back to bed, so she flew back into Rabbit's bedroom whom she was sharing with.

"Then they got her some bird seeds and a drink to go with, and sent her to bed."

A bit later, after making sure Kessie was back into bed and sleep, they closed the door, not waking her or Rabbit up.

"And when the two scoundrels saw she was in bed with her cup and bag of bird seed,"

They smirked evilly as they went back to the chimney and shoved the bag of honey up the chimney, which landed on the roof.

"They crept to the chimney, and stuffed up the bag of that sticky golden feed."

* * *

After getting out of the house (via the window so Heff wouldn't get stuck in the chimney again), Stan was strapping the sacks down so they wouldn't break free.

"Heff, then suggested..."

Heff said, "Deugh, hey, Stan, stealing honey and treats are fun and all,  
But I know a way to extend our yuletide haul!"

"The woozle queried,"

"What'd that be?" Stan asked in his normal voice.

Heff explained, "Well, maybe we could steal the stuff they have that's all Christmas-y,  
Like all their trees, mistletoe, stockings and presents."

Stan pondered a bit before smiling at his friend's idea and exclaimed to him, "Of course! We'll REALLY stick it to 'em that way and make their Christmas unpleasant!  
Once again this Christmas, you have had brilliance struck  
in your tiny cranium and have given us better luck!"

Stan and Heff chuckled greedily while rubbing their own paws together, before Heff stopped, asking stupidly, "Duh, how am I brilliant again?"

The woozle groaned in annoyance again, so typical of his partner to forget another one of his own plans!

* * *

"So after discussing Heff's second plan multiple times,  
They have now installed a new step in their Christmas crime!  
It's not just the honey and other food they will plunder,  
But also every present, tree and Christmas decoration everyone has..."

Stan remarked to finish the narrator's sentence, "And we do not intend to blunder!"

They decided to go back into Rabbit's house to save a trip, and they both carried empty sacks on their backs ready to steal anything Christmas-related from his house, including presents the real Santa left for Rabbit and Kessie.

"So, with not a lot of time killed,  
They stuffed the tree and decorations,  
With superb skill.  
They also packed away the presents St. Nick left, as you can bet,"

During the present-robbing, Heff used his trunk to brush away a tea set resembling Mrs. Potts and the cups from "Beauty & The Beast" into the sack.  
"which included Rabbit's newly-received and fine tea set."

* * *

The two thieves, with Francisco helping pulling the sled and keeping the sacks down, continued their Christmas thievery spree all around every home, stealing every tree, decoration, present and food from every Hundred Acre Wood animal, as we see a montage of each robbery.

"It wasn't long before those two were robbing every last furry creature  
from the Hundred Acre Woods.  
They stole every last decorated Christmas feature,  
from trees to mistletoe to garlands to wreaths,  
as well as trinkets, trappings, ribbons and little artificial holly leaves."

We now see a montage of Stan and Heff stealing food and presents from every last Hundred Acre Wood animal, including but not limited to a ball, jacks, a kite, skateboards, toy race-cars, toy versions of the Seven Dwarves, Mickey Mouse, Nessie, a monster named Sulley, as well as figurines of a mermaid named Ariel, a candlestick, a clock and a genie's lamp.

"You can also wager they robbed everyone else of their gifts and food,  
And here are who some of who they robbed, just to name a view."

We see glimpses of the presents being stuffed in the sacks during the foes' visits, while the narrator named them. Some of them we see with the animals asleep, unaware that they were being robbed.

"The squirrels were being deprived of their acorns,  
Piglet was deprived of his new earmuffs and hay-corns.  
Tigger of his toys with springs  
And anything else he had in those packages tied up in strings.  
Owl his new books, Gopher his new underground gear  
And poor gloomy Eeyore will not see any gift this year."

The two, and reluctant Francisco, had even robbed Eeyore, who was sleeping in his house, which he managed to get back up, totally unaware of the three's presence. However it wouldn't have mattered, because as Stan and Heff got in the sleigh, and the woozle made a whip cracking sound to signal Francisco to pull the sleigh away from the area, the sleigh accidentally hit the house in the process, knocking them all down...again, making Eeyore shiver a bit from the cold. We see them also stealing a present from a sleeping Beaver in his dam, and a sleeping Skunk in his home.

"They swiped a case of toothpicks Beaver got from St. Nick,  
And stole a present from Skunk, leaving his home very quick."  
Yes, they had to leave to avoid Skunk waking up and spraying them with his odor. Next, we see them back in Kanga and Roo's house, stuffing their decorations and presents in more sacks of theirs.

"They even stole presents that belonged to Kanga and Roo,"

We see the two fiends now robbing a certain bear's house of his decor, presents, and treats, but most of all...his honey, stuffing them in sacks as well.

"Not to mention, gifts and honey from our sweet lovable bear, Winnie the Pooh."  
Pooh, meanwhile was sleeping in his bedroom, while muttering in his sleep, "Sweet honey..."

"And before they left Pooh Bear's humble home,  
they even sneaked away Buster's special Christmas dog bone."

Yes, Stan managed to steal Buster's dog bone wrapped in a bow from the sleeping puppy. 

* * *

Notes:

What Heff said about **_Brave_** was a reference to Thurgood Stubbs's off-topic lie in the Christmas episode of _**The PJ's**_ that spoofed the _**Grinch**_ story. If some of you don't know that show, it's a stop-motion cartoon for adults, starring Eddie Murphy.

Since there are often references to other Disney films in most of Disney's work, as well as Pixar's, I thought of including some in this story, such as toys of the Seven Dwarves, Ariel, Sulley, and Mickey, as well as cameos of the Beast/Adam's servants' objects forms and Genie's lamp.

Now, yes, Kessie was older when she first met Stan and Heff, so this would be messing with the continuity, but then again, Disney's made some continuity errors in the _**Winnie the Pooh**_ franchise themselves.


	4. A Reformed Heffalump and Woozle

It is nearing daybreak, and both Stan and Heff have their sleigh stuffed to the brim with oversized bags of their ill-gotten haul. The residents are due to wake up at any given minute now.

"It was near daybreak,  
And so far, not a single animal is awake.  
Before anyone could arise,  
They had to make their escape,  
With all their ill-gotten gains  
Of every different size, color and shape."

Stan got out his whip and hit Francisco with it, making him yelp as he started pulling away from that part of the woods like the wind, to the point of burrowing deep in the snow to the point of only his antler being visible in the snow. Of course, Francisco kept pulling the sled and villains out of the area.

Realizing that they were barely getting anywhere, Stan pushed Heff out of the sled and made him co-pull the sleigh as well. Eventually, the sleigh stopped near a gorge distanced from the homes. The woozle then hopped off the sled, dancing around with victory. He's stolen everything his enemies loved, including the honey, and now THEY'LL be the ones suffering in defeat.

The narrator said, "Whilst stopping near a gorge,  
Stan felt as his victory was to finally dawn."

Stan said slyly to his sidekicks, "Just imagine their reaction, boys,  
when they find out all their stuff is gone.  
They're getting up now, those pathetic jerks.  
First, they'll be stunned, and then, cue the waterworks."

* * *

Back in the Hundred Acre Woods, all the animals all awoke to find their food, decorations and presents all had been stolen. They all ran out of their houses, with most in their pajamas, shouting and panicking like mad.

The narrator then continued,  
"In the woods, though no waterworks were triggered as Stan had thought,  
Everyone woke up, panicking in alarm, devastation and distraught!  
Tigger cried..."

"We was robbed!" Tigger panicked.

"With Kanga inquiring,"

"Who would steal from us without any respect?" Kanga asked.

"Then Rabbit concluded abruptly,"

"It must be the Pack Rats who are the prime suspect...s!" Rabbit declared to everyone, suspecting the Pack Rats, the rat trio who have taken stuff from the animals in the past, were the culprits. "Well, I was close to the rhyme."

"Owl interjected,"

"No, Rabbit, it can't be, they always leave a walnut in the stolen object's place. Whoever stole our belongings have not left a trace," explained Owl. Yes, Stan was even smart enough to brush out sleigh tracks from the snow as they left the house.

The Pack Rats then hopped up and down, chattering in panic as the narrator said,

"Yes, the Pack Rats explained  
That they were robbed of their treasure, their walnuts.  
They were not the thieves this time,  
No questions, if's, and's, or but's.  
They all felt miserable from losing everything,  
From their gifts to their wreaths,  
And they could not find the trail  
Connected to the thieves."

The downheartened animals hung their heads and began to head into their respective homes, ready to face a disappointing Christmas.

As Roo then hopped aboard a mound of snow, the narrator continued, "Then little Roo spoke up..."

Roo spoke to everyone, "Now wait, everyone, maybe we don't need those things  
To remind us of all the heartfelt goodness  
That the Christmas season brings.  
After all, Christmas isn't about the fun gifts and treats  
Or lights we hang up year after year,  
It's about spending time with our friends and families,  
Everyone we hold dear."

All the animals were moved by Roo's speech. They had briefly forgotten what Christmas was REALLY about, but what Roo had just established reminded them. They all had warm smiles, and Tigger was so touched by the words from his little hopping buddy, he wiped away a tear.

"And when hearing the little Roo's moving speech,  
Tigger wiped away a little tear."

* * *

Where the thieves were, Stan awaited to hear the sound of sadness to travel all the way to where they were.

"Meanwhile, Stan and Heff stood there, awaiting to hear  
The sounds of their victims' devastated tears.  
Then they did hear a floating from the distance,  
And the sound of sadness he hoped for was nonexistent."

Stan and Heff were confused to hear the sounds of singing. In the woods, the animals were standing together, holding paws and singing a reprise of "Christmas Comes Tomorrow".

"They had heard a sound of joyful singing, and not one of the animals cried or wailed.  
It seems as though the two foes' mission for revenge has ultimately failed.  
Every animal friend whom Pooh Bear knew, the tall and the small,  
Were singing, without any presents at all."

Stan stood in the snow with anger. How could this be happening? He and Heff stole their honey and Christmas items and they're still happy! How is that possible?

"How could this happen?" Stan asked in disbelief.  
"The flabbergasted woozle asked in disbelief."

"I thought for sure once we'd steal their stuff,  
They'd be sad and we'd be even and in relief."

Then Heff winced, getting a weird feeling in his brain. It's as if the dumb heffalump was receiving an epiphany.

"Then a strange feeling was felt inside Heff's brain,  
It seemed he was thinking, miraculously again.  
And with Heff,  
Well in the Hundred Acre Woods, they say..."

We then see an X-ray appear over where Heff's brain was, and it had a hole in it, but we see it shrinking, as the narrator continued, "That the hole in his head shrank three sizes that Christmas day.

Then he said to his colleague..."

The x-ray disappeared as Heff spoke to Stan, "Duh, Stan, I know you seem sore,  
But I just thought of something  
That I hadn't thought before."

"You remembered your own name?" Stan asked dryly.

"No, it's maybe that Christmas isn't about honey and lights galore  
But maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more."

Francisco, warmed by what Heff said, had a warm smile grown across his face. Stan, however, was not moved by Heff's words.

The narrator said, "But the woozle objected..."

"Well you can keep that mushy family crud, you hapless fat elf!  
I've waited too long for the honey,  
And I'll enjoy it even if I have to myself!"

Then Stan started to grab the sled and pull it away from the area, when one gift fell out of one of the sacks, to Stan's notice. It seemed rather bulky-looking and round, and it had a card attached to it.

The narrator then explained,  
"Then a gift fell out from the sacks,  
One wrapped, bluky and round.  
The woozle crept up to the wrapped object,  
And he especially found  
A little message attached to the front.  
Although Stan thought this was absurd,  
He picked up the gift's note and had read it,  
Read the whole note, word for word."

Stan picked up the note and started reading its words,  
"To Stan Woozle, who may seem like a crook  
And one of the crummiest thieves in the book.  
However, some of us feel he's just misunderstood,  
And hopefully that this present will do him good.  
I hope that this will lead him and Heff down the right way,  
And that they shall have a rather pleasant holiday."

"And the woozle was even surprised further to see what was at the card's end."

"Merry Christmas from Winnie the Pooh and his friends."

Stan began to feel touched that inspite of the trouble the two gave Pooh and his friends in the past, the good animals would give him a Christmas present. So he unwrapped it and the present turned out to be a honey pot.

"He was surprised at one of the gifts he had taken was to him from them,  
And also at the fact that it was his most long-coveted and craved item.  
It was a honey pot, and as reaction, the woozle began to employ  
Some new tender feelings as that of a touched youthful boy."

Stan had a new warm feeling inside him he's never had before, and something else rare has happened: he started to smile warmly, and tears of joy began to fill in the bottoms of his eyes.

"He even began to process tears of joy," the narrator concluded.

However, the moment was interrupted when the sled began to drift off the edge, about to plumett into the gorge below. Stan, Heff and Francisco quickly noticed, gasping in alarm as Stan put his honey pot down and they rushed to the sled's back, trying to pull it back and stop it from falling. The trio's feet dragged as they struggled to keep it from falling.

"Unnnnggghhh!" the trio moaned, straining from pulling the heavy-weighted sleigh.

"Then, with the true Christmas spirit still in their minds,  
Stan and Heff soon adopted the strength of ten heffalumps and woozles combined!"

Yes, thanks to their newfound Christmas spirit, Stan and Heff were able to gain strength enough to hold the sled above themselves with Francisco holding on as well. They actually saved the Christmas stuff and honey before it was too late!

* * *

Now it's time to return the stolen goods. The sled began to slide all the way back to where Pooh and his friends live, with Heff playing his nose joyfully like a trumpet.

"And so the two whizzed with their load through the bright morning light,  
Finally with their spirits so high and bright!"

They arrived back to where Pooh and his friends were, with some animals moving out of the way for the sled to slide to a complete stop. Stan and Heff smiled as they and Francisco gave back the decorations, presents, food and honey they stolen to everyone.

As this happened, the narrator said, "When returning to the animals, they brought back the honey  
To Pooh Bear, Kanga, Roo, Owl, Gopher, and even the bunny.  
They also brought back the toys, trinkets, trappings, and figurines.  
Brought back their wreaths, stockings, doilies, and trees.  
After explaining all that happened, the two had apologized for the deeds,  
And Pooh Bear and his friends forgave and let them join, in deed.

The two even brought back the food, mostly the ones for the feast."

Later, the two passed out stocking stuffer treats to everyone around, including Francisco.  
"And they, themselves, Stan and Heff, passed out the best treats.

Christmas time is here now  
You feel it in the air  
With friends, and songs, and families, and laughter everywhere

It's Christmas time  
A special time, a mystifying time  
A satisfying time  
An absolutely positively electrifying time  
Christmas time is finally here"

As Stan and Heff kept passing out treats, the camera moves back all the way to outside, and even pulls back far enough to give a whole view of the Hundred Acre Woods with snowflakes falling as the holiday continued.

The End

"In Memory of Chuck McCann (1934-2018)"


End file.
